Victor Meme, head of technology development, has announced a Premier League match-result system: 10000 Match Fork™.

It began with a wrong offside call in the Manchester derby, City versus United, on September 13, 2026.

City won 1–0. In the 60th minute Haaland’s volley was called offside, then given by VAR. The goal stood.

Pro Ref later admitted the VAR call was wrong, and apologized to United.

United’s goal difference and points were not restored, and Haaland’s goal was not taken back. Victor Meme has said in public that he has supported United for fifty years. He was angry enough to stop coming in for about a month. Football-defeat leave is recognized at this company, so the leave was in order.

He took the month and built another season.During that leave he developed a beta of 10000 Match Fork™. For one match it makes tens of thousands of virtual realities. The user chooses, among them, the reality they like best, and follows the Premier League through to the last matchweek. Not only the result and the calls along the way, but each player’s pass and each mistake, and the transfer market.

It is said to offer the following. A league title for a club such as Everton or Crystal Palace. A way around the hate aimed at the player who erred, and at the referees who got the call wrong. Hate management for a club’s supporters, a calming, and a drop in how much they drink.

Victor said: “Since the last title, in 2012–2013, we United supporters have been made to keep swallowing bitterness. Losing a Manchester derby on a bad call is the worst of it. Every time it happens I have thought, if only there were a different reality. That feeling is not only ours. Clubs lower down have lived with it too. Manchester City supporters, before the oil money, must have spent nights they could not sleep. 10000 Match Fork™ is where every one of those supporters can choose the reality they want to see.”

10000 Match Fork™ is not yet in production release. It has been given to 1,000 riotous supporters as testers, and the reception is, on the whole, good. Internal analysts say supporters of clubs sitting low in the table take it kindly, and supporters of clubs sitting high say it is not much.

The bottom of the table does not want to wait for February.Release is planned for February 2027. Supporters of clubs stuck down there have asked, strongly, that it come sooner. By then, they say, reality may already be ruined. The development team is aiming to ship even one day earlier.

Specialists have asked whether football whose result is already promised is any fun to support. Former players, still noisy, have asked what the point of a player’s effort is. This company holds that nothing outranks technical progress and the peace of a person’s mind, and it will keep building the system.

Filed for the record

Questions about the fork may be sent to Floor 4. We expect requests to ship sooner.

This is the eighth issue. It is numbered seven. The table was left as it is.