Principal Internal Communications Manager

KNOWN ALIASES / DISGUISES:

MARKET AVERAGE

$165,000

* This figure represents peak compensation for massaging internal narratives and managing the 'employee experience' before the next wave of 'cost optimization'.

"A significant investment in crafting and disseminating corporate-approved platitudes, often inversely proportional to actual employee satisfaction or clarity."

[DIAGNOSIS]Perceived as a non-essential overhead function once the company needs to cut costs or when executive messaging becomes too direct for spin.

"Comfortable working on an internal comms plan as you are rolling up your sleeves and producing a newsletter or video. Act as a strategic advisor on communications strategy and approach – proactively sharing feedback directly, advising on best practices, and “seeing around corners” to think through all scenarios and consider various employee perspectives."

OTIOSE TRANSLATION

Equally adept at crafting verbose 'strategic comms frameworks' and then personally spamming the entire company with poorly formatted Slack announcements and Canva-generated 'inspirational' videos. Your job is to pre-emptively spin impending layoffs or policy changes before employees realize they're being managed.

"Define and execute our people manager communications strategy, driving regular updates to our people manager community via Slack and our monthly manager newsletter, Leading the Flock."

OTIOSE TRANSLATION

Curate and disseminate corporate-approved platitudes to middle management, ensuring they parrot the party line during their weekly stand-ups. This involves endless Slack polls on 'how engaged you feel' and ghostwriting 'thought leadership' emails that nobody reads.

"Maintain and, as needed revise, our storytelling guidelines, templates, and process documents to ensure our 50+ internal communication partners deliver quality, clear, and concise content · Oversee strategy, design, and content for intranet home page and corporate pages (Our Strategy and OKRs, Path to Profitability, Operating Group, Twilion’s Guide to Twilio)."

OTIOSE TRANSLATION

Enforce an arbitrary style guide on a sprawling network of 'comms partners' who resent being told how to write. Spend 80% of your time meticulously updating an unread intranet nobody can find, filled with outdated 'Our Strategy and OKRs' documents that were obsolete the day they were published.

[10:00 - 11:00]

Crafting the Narrative

Translating the latest executive decree into a palatable 'vision statement' for the upcoming all-hands, ensuring all challenging aspects are suitably obfuscated.

[13:00 - 14:00]

Slack Channel Management

Monitoring internal channels for any signs of dissent or 'unapproved' communication, subtly steering conversations back to corporate-approved talking points.

[15:00 - 16:00]

Engagement Initiative Brainstorm

A cross-functional meeting to ideate new, mandatory fun activities or 'culture-building' exercises that nobody wants to participate in, justifying future budget requests.

"My entire job is to translate executive buzzwords into 'digestible' content for employees who already know it's all corporate BS. It's like being a glorified spin doctor for the internal propaganda machine."

— teamblind.com

"I just spent three days wordsmithing a five-paragraph email about 'synergistic Q3 alignment opportunities' that could have been a bullet point. My VP said it 'lacked gravitas.' I want to cry."

— r/cscareerquestions

"They keep asking us to 'drive engagement' with new internal channels, but every time an employee tries to give honest feedback, we're told to 'manage the narrative.' It's a performative farce."

— teamblind.com