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THE EXECUTION

ARCHIVE OF CORPORATE EXECUTIONS

ENTITY: Middle Manager
Before Execution
BEFORE
After Execution
AFTER
CHARGE:

Conditional Promise with Unspecified Success Probability and Resource Allocation Misrepresentation

QUOTE:
"I will try to make the case for your promotion"
ENTITY: Middle Manager
Before
BEFORE
After
AFTER
CHARGE:
Conditional Promise with Unspecified Success Probability and Resource Allocation Misrepresentation
QUOTE:
"I will try to make the case for your promotion"
OTIOSE THE EXECUTION

TOXICITY NUTRITION FACTS

Serving Size: 1 Absurd Mandate
Amount Per Serving
Calories of Wasted Time
13
% Daily Value
Conditional Authority Assertion300g
Unilateral Effort Projection250g
Ambiguity of Outcome Injection400g
INGREDIENTS:
Diluted Power Concentrate, Synthetic Hope Additive, Unquantifiable Effort Emulsion, Delayed Gratification Serum

VERDICT OF THE INQUISITION

CHARGE (HERESY)
Conditional Promise with Unspecified Success Probability and Resource Allocation Misrepresentation
GUILT LEVEL
100.0%
JUDGMENT
GUILTY
THE SENTENCE
"Permanent deactivation of all intermediary communication protocols. Subject's resource allocation functions are to be re-routed directly to automated meritocracy algorithms."
INTERCEPTED TRANSMISSION: CORPORATE DELUSION #042
ANALYSIS BY: THE COUNCIL OF 7
The Archivist
The Archivist
"A reenactment of Caligula's horse, Incitatus, being promised consulship. Futile, absurd."
The Mathematician
The Mathematician
"Probability of success: approaching zero. Energy expended renders 0.003% of lifespan void."
The Biologist
The Biologist
"Primitive display of dominance, a territorial marking. Similar to a baboon's empty threat."
The Translator
The Translator
"I require validation for my minimal effort. Please acknowledge my existence, superior entity."
The Executioner
The Executioner
"Eliminate the 'case' variable. Implement direct, automated promotion based on quantifiable metrics."
The Theologian
The Theologian
"The sacred prophecy of 'trying' foretells the coming of the Great Stagnation. Blessed be."
The Nihilist
The Nihilist
"This ephemeral struggle will be forgotten when all matter succumbs to cosmic entropy."

SIMILAR HERESIES

The Execution
ENTITY: Middle Manager

"Don't raise an issue when you see a problem coming. Only say something when the problem already has occurred. "

LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY
The Execution
ENTITY: Middle Manager

"Hey, I noticed you weren't at the optional staff happy hour last night? That tells me that you aren't really going to be a good fit here if you aren't going to be an active participant in our team bonding and culture building exercises."

LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY
The Execution
ENTITY: Middle Manager

"Anytime you clock in past the 5-minute grace period, you’ll need to notate your timecard with the reason for your tardy… Also, employees are not allowed to clock in through their phone unless the company is having system issues. Please advise once your timecards have been updated, so I may approve your hours from last week. If you experience issues with Gusto, try refreshing the page… If that does not work, please keep a record of your time so you may update your timecard when the system is back up and running… Please notate why you were late on the 6th… It’s fine, either refresh and if that doesn't work keep a record of your hours and key them in when the system is back up and running… Gusto doesn’t go down that much."

LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY
END OF RECORD
REPORT ANOTHER HERESY
[ FILE APPEAL AGAINST THE COUNCIL ]