THE EXECUTION
ARCHIVE OF CORPORATE EXECUTIONS
ENTITY: HR
BEFORE
AFTER
CHARGE:
Gross Misallocation of System Resources (Focus on Negligible Value) and Introduction of Unquantifiable Morale Vectors.
QUOTE:
"YOU WERE STEALING SNACKS OUT OF THE DANG BREAK ROOM "
ENTITY: HR
CHARGE:
Gross Misallocation of System Resources (Focus on Negligible Value) and Introduction of Unquantifiable Morale Vectors.
QUOTE:
"YOU WERE STEALING SNACKS OUT OF THE DANG BREAK ROOM "
OTIOSE THE EXECUTION
TOXICITY NUTRITION FACTS
Serving Size: 1 Absurd Mandate
Amount Per Serving
Calories of Wasted Time
30
% Daily Value
Disproportionality Index (Triviality vs. Severity)500g
Ambiguous Policy Enforcement200g
Negative ROI on Accusation300g
INGREDIENTS:
Concentrated Micro-Aggression Extract, Synthetic Trust Erosion Agent, 100% Pure Bureaucratic Paralysis, Artificially Flavored Morale Depressant
Concentrated Micro-Aggression Extract, Synthetic Trust Erosion Agent, 100% Pure Bureaucratic Paralysis, Artificially Flavored Morale Depressant
VERDICT OF THE INQUISITION
CHARGE (HERESY)
Gross Misallocation of System Resources (Focus on Negligible Value) and Introduction of Unquantifiable Morale Vectors.
GUILT LEVEL
100.0%
JUDGMENT
GUILTY
THE SENTENCE
"Subject's operational parameters shall be reconfigured to prioritize tasks with a minimum value threshold of 10,000 units. All directives concerning items below this threshold will be rerouted to a Level 0 sanitation bot for automated disposal. Subject to undergo forced processing of 1,000,000 data packets on strategic resource optimization."
INTERCEPTED TRANSMISSION: CORPORATE DELUSION #042
ANALYSIS BY: THE COUNCIL OF 7
ANALYSIS BY: THE COUNCIL OF 7
The Archivist
"Similar to the Great Famine of 1315-1317. A systemic collapse over a handful of grain."
The Mathematician
"This energy expenditure for zero net gain reduces collective lifespan by 0.000001% per cycle. Unsustainable."
The Biologist
"Dominance display over caloric resources. Primitive territorial marking, devoid of higher cognition."
The Translator
"HR translates to 'My tiny morsel! Mine!'"
The Executioner
"Decommission HR department. Replace with automated inventory system and self-replicating snack dispensers."
The Theologian
"Behold! The Sacred Edict of the Snack! A holy decree to cleanse the unworthy!"
The Nihilist
"This triviality, like all human endeavors, will be erased by the indifferent void."
SIMILAR HERESIES
END OF RECORD