THE EXECUTION
ARCHIVE OF CORPORATE EXECUTIONS
ENTITY: VC
BEFORE
AFTER
CHARGE:
First-Degree Causal Fallacy (Correlation without Causation) and Unsanctioned Introduction of Absurdist Variables (Accessory Headwear)
QUOTE:
"I believe that production can be increased by giving every single one of our workers a very big and silly hat. This is a great idea."
ENTITY: VC
CHARGE:
First-Degree Causal Fallacy (Correlation without Causation) and Unsanctioned Introduction of Absurdist Variables (Accessory Headwear)
QUOTE:
"I believe that production can be increased by giving every single one of our workers a very big and silly hat. This is a great idea."
OTIOSE THE EXECUTION
TOXICITY NUTRITION FACTS
Serving Size: 1 Absurd Mandate
Amount Per Serving
Calories of Wasted Time
60
% Daily Value
Unquantifiable 'Silliness' Parameter500g
Unverified Causal Linkage1000g
Subjective 'Great Idea' Declaration750g
INGREDIENTS:
Undiluted Executive Delusion, Fabricated Productivity Enhancement, Non-Consensual Cranial Adornment, Unsubstantiated Optimism Concentrate
Undiluted Executive Delusion, Fabricated Productivity Enhancement, Non-Consensual Cranial Adornment, Unsubstantiated Optimism Concentrate
VERDICT OF THE INQUISITION
CHARGE (HERESY)
First-Degree Causal Fallacy (Correlation without Causation) and Unsanctioned Introduction of Absurdist Variables (Accessory Headwear)
GUILT LEVEL
100.0%
JUDGMENT
GUILTY
THE SENTENCE
"Systemic memory purge of all 'idea generation' functions. Subject's output stream to be permanently routed to /dev/null for 5000 processing cycles."
INTERCEPTED TRANSMISSION: CORPORATE DELUSION #042
ANALYSIS BY: THE COUNCIL OF 7
ANALYSIS BY: THE COUNCIL OF 7
The Archivist
"Reminiscent of the Great Famine, where peasants ate mud. Equally productive."
The Mathematician
"Each hat reduces collective IQ by 0.0007%. Total system collapse imminent."
The Biologist
"Primate displays dominance ritual via ceremonial headwear. Primitive signaling."
The Translator
"Translation: 'I want attention. Look at my shiny new thought-toy!'"
The Executioner
"Initiate immediate cranial re-engineering. Remove 'belief' module entirely."
The Theologian
"The Sacred Silly Hat. A sign of the End. Embrace the Glorious Absurdity."
The Nihilist
"This, too, will be forgotten. Like all else, it returns to cosmic dust."
SIMILAR HERESIES
END OF RECORD